A few months ago I decided to create a new path and pave my way to the things I wanted to do rather than being yet another 9 to 5 person. I wasn’t seeking “glory”, “influence”, or “money”. I just wanted to do something that made me “happy” while at the same time trying to align that happiness with my performance in the career I chose and not having any above average results.
Back when I made the decision to leave my job. As someone who suffers from anxiety I can 100% tell you it was a hell of an emotional roller coaster for me. I was beyond anxious, stressing over every little thing and imagining all the things that can go wrong. The thing is… it has always been like that unless you are somehow born in a nice family with decent networking starting a “new business” requires gambling but more than that it requires willpower and a modicum amount of self-confidence that where you are going to be leading with a group of people is somehow “the way to get somewhere”.
Life is easier and more manageable if you don’t have insane expectations of yourself.
It sounds like the most obvious line. I know anyone reading this would look at it and say “well, duh!”. Analyze your past actions, start deconstructing them as if you were an observer and try to be as objective as possible. If you, the person observing yourself, agrees that at some degree your actions are a bit too extreme or unrealistic then that’s because they are.
There’s no “secret truth” out there. Getting mentally health is a process of letting go and acceptance that perhaps to your standards you weren’t “good enough”, that you were “inadequate” while underselling all your other points that made you get hired, get the job done, become the “go to person” for some people. But guess what… rank, title, and anything I just mentioned before this sentence counts as you are still aligning what you believe is “good”.
In a sense being happy is hard because of how we try to align our “wins” or “successes” and compare them to others. Regardless, in this line of thought it’s all a coping mechanism at the end of having insane expectations then realizing all those wins means nothing and you should have tried… thus, honestly can anyone fill the void of what they want to define as happiness with such a skewed “social score system”.
In conclusion, facing the demons rather than putting layers and layers of lies and half-truths is the way to go but it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a fast process. It’s a process that might take years to be fully at peace with yourself and whatever choices you made.
Everyone is broken in some way. The root of the problem is that we (society) barely take mental health seriously. We don’t “want to know about other people’s problem”, why? who knows. Perhaps it hits too close, perhaps nobody ever thought of teaching anyone about mental health. Or they simply don’t care and they are too fed up when they have enough on their hands.
I think it is perfectly fine that no strange individual cares about you at all. At the end of the day, we need to thanks those who do who take their time to listen to us. We don’t need to depend on other individuals to weight in a level of acceptance is the cautionary line.